Imposter syndrome (or imposter phenomenon) is talked about a lot in academia. Feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that make us feel like we don’t belong are rampant among graduate students and professors alike, and I’ve certainly experienced my fair share of this during my graduate studies. I started this blog partly as a way to escape from academic life – to share science with my friends and family in a way that wasn’t a scientific research paper. However, one thing that I wasn’t expecting when I started writing was to experience an even bigger case of imposter syndrome while blogging than I do in academia. For my next few blog posts, I’ll be writing about environmental issues and some easy things that people can do to reduce their impact on the environment. Sounds simple enough, right? I initially thought so too… Although I’m trying to research each topic as much as possible beforehand, I admittedly don’t have an in-depth knowledge of the social aspects of environmental issues. When trying to write about these things I constantly find myself doubting what I have written and how it will be perceived by those who read it. Part of this stems from the complexity of environmental problems. Blog posts are meant to be concise – a way for us (scientists or otherwise) to share a bit of important knowledge in a short and engaging manner. However, every environmental issue is made up of a complex web of interconnecting details, and it’s impossible to address every consideration in your standard 500- to 800-word blog post. However, I think a bigger part of the issue stems from fear. Fear that someone might misunderstand my views or think that I have no idea what I’m talking about – that failing to touch on a particular part of the picture means that I’m ignorant. It might sound crazy (especially since this is a personal blog that I assume is mostly read by my friends and family), but these are the things that go through my mind sometimes. Don't let fear hold you back from what you really want to accomplish in life! This is one of my favourite motivational images, partially because of the beautiful picture, but also because the message truly hits home for me. One of the biggest barriers to accomplishment is fear – whether that is fear of failure, fear of what other people think, or fear of something else entirely.
One thing I’ve learned in life is that no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to make everyone happy. Even if I were to write a piece that perfectly encapsulated every angle of the issue of plastic pollution, there would still be people out there who would find problems with it. I know it’s easier said than done, but one of the most important things (in life in general and in any particular activity you might pursue) is to not be afraid of what other people think. To do your best, be happy with what you've accomplished, and trust that the majority of people will prove themselves to be kind and encouraging. This is something that I'm still working toward, and hopefully this blog will be able to help with that. I realize that my writing may not get at all of the important details all the time, but that’s okay. My main goal in writing about environmental issues is to encourage people to think a bit more closely about their behaviour, and to start making changes in their daily lives to lessen their impact on the environment. As long as I’m able to do that, it shouldn’t really matter what everyone else thinks.
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It seems that everywhere you turn these days, there are articles and advertisements encouraging people to “follow their passion.” While some are all for it, I personally have mixed feelings about this whole trend. I do believe that if there is something you are truly passionate about, you will be happiest in life if you are pursuing that dream. However, these articles also imply that we should know what our “passion” is. So what about those of us who still struggle to know what we really want to do with our lives? Doubtless this is a question that young adults have struggled with for decades. However, these decisions are made even harder in the present day by what some would consider to be an overabundance of choice. The “paradox of choice” is a phrase coined by psychologist Barry Schwartz in his 2004 book entitled “The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less”. Schwartz suggests that, contrary to popular belief, having more options leads not to increased happiness but to decision paralysis, making it difficult for people to even make a choice in the first place. The more options we have, the more dissatisfied we ultimately become - if we can even make a choice at all. When we do finally make a decision, we are left wondering if we made the right choice, or if we might have been happier if we had chosen differently. This ultimately leads to decreased satisfaction with whatever we have chosen. The idea is explained in more detail in Schwartz's TED talk (highly recommended!), which can be listened to here. People often talk about the paradox of choice as it applies to everyday activities such as making a purchase at the store. However, I am finding more and more that this phenomenon applies to the bigger decisions in life as well. I am part of the generation who grew up being told that we could be anything we wanted when we got older. However, now I’ve reached that point in my life where people expect you to have an idea of what you want to do with your future, and I still find myself not really knowing. I never thought the hardest part would be just deciding what it is that I actually want to be when I grow up. There are so many interesting things to do in this world, so may amazing possibilities, that it seems next to impossible to decide on just one that I would be happy pursuing for the rest of my life (or at least for the foreseeable future). Just like making a decision at the store, I am afraid that once I actually make a choice, I would always be left wondering if I might be happier doing something else. An overabundance of choice increases our expectations, creating an obsessive need to find the "perfect" option Now that I am less than a year away from the end of my MSc, I have been thinking about my future – and the role that the paradox of choice plays in my struggle to identify a career path – quite a bit lately. After much reflection, there are few pieces of advice that I would give to anyone experiencing a similar struggle. The paradox of choice is centered primarily in the past and the future – wondering whether we made the correct choice in the past, and trying to decide whether we should stick to that choice or switch paths to something else in the future – and as such, it takes away from our enjoyment of the present. To be satisfied with the decisions that we have made, it is imperative to live in the moment. This is not to say that we shouldn't also think about and plan for the future, but rather that we need to take the time to appreciate and enjoy what we are doing right now, without thinking about other things that we could be doing instead. Don't be like these people - enjoy living in the moment! After all, as the saying goes, “you can do anything, but not everything.” It is realistically impossible for most of us to try all of the careers we find interesting in a single lifetime, and even then none of them will end up being perfect. If what you’re doing right now makes you happy, that’s what really matters.
I would also encourage people like me, who feel like they are interested in too many things, to think about ways to try and combine their passions. In this day and age we are no longer confined to the limits of traditional careers, and indeed it seems increasingly possible to make a career out of doing almost anything if you are determined enough. One of the things that I love about writing is the freedom that it provides for me to pursue many of my interests at once. If I had to choose an “ideal” career, I think it would be one that combines science, writing, and travel. I’m not sure where these choices will take me, but I’m excited to see where the road leads! Now I’m not saying this to brag, but ever since starting high school I have consistently been one of the top students in my year. I finished high school with the highest average of my entire graduating class, and carried this thirst for achievement with me all throughout my undergrad. The way that undergraduate education is set up works well for people like me, who are motivated by the desire for good grades. The possibility of getting straight A’s at the end of the semester is what forces us to get out of bed in the morning to attend an 8:30 lecture. It’s what gives us the discipline to stay home and study instead of going to a party, and the energy to stay up all night working on a paper that’s due the next day. I feel safe in a world of structure and deadlines, where there are specific consequences for failing to complete a task and rewards for accomplishing it to the best of my ability (i.e. extrinsic motivation). Alas, while this may have served me well in undergrad, grad school does not function like my ideal world. Calvin's dad prefers to trust in the powers of intrinsic motivation. Unfortunately, we're not all built that way. Research-based graduate programs like the one I am in now are extremely self-directed. Apart from a couple of courses, committee meetings, and the eventual thesis submission, there are often no deadlines aside from those you set for yourself. For people like me, who need some sort of external ‘push’ to get things done, this lack of structure and deadlines can make it extremely difficult to stay motivated. Sure it feels great to check that last item off your to-do list, to finally get your code working, or to submit the grant application you’ve been working on for weeks, but none of these things come with the same sort of satisfaction that we become so accustomed to experiencing during our undergrad. So if you’re like me, what can you do to motivate yourself? Luckily, I’ve found a few tricks… Accountability is keyI am a firm believer in the idea that accountability is the key to success. Whereas in undergrad we are held accountable by our instructors, in grad school we can make ourselves accountable to our peers. Once I acknowledged that self-motivation is something I consistently struggle with, I found that many people were willing to help. Both my labmates and my supervisor have been very supportive in this regard. For example, when I was creating this blog I asked my labmates to hold me accountable. I told them my goals (what day I wanted to have the website published, how often I want to write each month), and they devised a mild punishment to apply whenever I fail to meet them. I must say, this has done a great job of keeping me motivated so far (thanks guys!). Without accountability, my personal deadlines start to look a lot like this... My need for deadlines is also something that I have recently acknowledged with my supervisor, who encouraged me to set some goals for myself and share them with her via a Google calendar. Even if there is no explicit ‘punishment’ for failing to deliver on time, having someone else know your deadlines can sometimes be motivation enough. Create other opportunities for achievement Although it doesn’t necessarily help with my motivation in the lab, another way that I have found to satisfy that need for tangible achievement is to create opportunities for this outside of the work environment.
Sports and other hobbies can be a great way to accomplish this. For example, I have been practicing karate for a year and a half now, and recently graded for my green belt back in November. Taking part in a formal grading ceremony and having my hard work rewarded through the presentation of a new belt was extremely satisfying, and will motivate me to continue working towards the next rank. Unlike at work, I have found that these activities lead to a sense of accomplishment even in the absence of formal rewards. Whether it is by playing a new song on the guitar for the first time, or conquering a new route at the climbing gym, finding success in activities that you enjoy can contribute not only to motivation but to overall happiness as well. And even in grad school, that’s what is truly important :) At no other point in most of our lives do we try to cram so much information into our heads in so little time as we do during undergrad. This is a time of intensive learning, and many of the lessons that we learn throughout our degrees are (thankfully) presented to us in a straightforward manner. However, some lessons must be learned through experience, and often the most important ones may not sink in until it’s too late (i.e. after you’ve already graduated). Hindsight is 20-20 as they say, and although I had a wonderful time in university, my reflections throughout the years have made me realize a few things that I wish I had done differently. There are many pieces of advice I could give about the long and arduous journey through undergrad, but I’ll start by sharing two of the biggest lessons that I learned the hard way through my own experience. You don't need to rush through your degreeDuring my undergrad, I was fortunate to spend two summers conducting hands-on research for professors at my university. This was a great opportunity to learn about the world of academia, and taught me a lot about all of the work that takes place behind the scenes. However, this is the only real “work” experience that I gained while in school – research is one of the only things that I have ever known. Doing research at the Cape Eleuthera Institute in the Bahamas was an amazing opportunity. If I had fallen in love with research and knew that this was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, my lack of other experience might not be such a bad thing. However, as I find myself thinking more and more that academia might not be for me, the lack of outside experience makes it hard to decide where I want to go or what I want to do next. When I was in my undergrad, I was adamantly against the idea of taking more than four years to complete my degree. I took pride in finishing “on time” (a sentiment I have heard reflected by some of the undergraduate students I have taught), which turned me off of resources such as co-op that would add an extra semester or two to my program. However, once I actually graduated and September rolled around I found myself longing to be back in school. Looking back, I wish that I had taken the opportunity to gain experience and connections in other sectors by taking advantage of my school’s co-op program. Knowing what your career options are is one thing, but being able to make an informed decision about which path to take based on your own personal experience is something else entirely. Don’t let the fear of missing out hold you back When I was in the second or third year of my undergrad, I had big dreams of doing an international exchange. I pictured myself in some beautiful foreign city, spending a semester or two making new friends and exploring new places. However, when the time came to seriously research my options and apply for an exchange, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I think there are a number of things that held me back. Radcliffe Square in Oxford, UK. I always thought I would have loved to do an exchange in England. I was part of the quidditch team throughout my entire time as an undergrad, and the majority of my friend group and social life revolved around that team. Whenever I thought about going on exchange, I was reminded of all the great parties and tournaments that I was sure to miss out on while I was gone. Sometimes the foreign universities didn’t seem to offer enough courses that would be relevant to my degree. In any case, I always managed to find some excuse for why going on exchange wasn’t the best idea, with the end result that I stayed in the same place for four years.
I ended up having some great experiences during those years, and I am extremely grateful for all of the opportunities I’ve had so far. However, looking back I wish that I hadn’t been so afraid of missing out on things back home. Your friends will still be there when you return, and being away for a time can make your friendship grow even deeper. The opportunity to study in another country is really only available while you’re in school, and I regret not taking advantage of it while I had the chance. I still have a year of my MSc left before I can get out and explore the world, but I’m already making epic travel plans for when I graduate. I don’t plan to let these opportunities pass me by again! Thank you so much for taking the time to check out my new blog – The Mystery Box! This is a project that I’ve been wanting to start for a long time, and I’m so happy that it’s finally off the ground.
When I was a kid, I loved to write. It didn’t really matter the style – fiction stories, newspaper articles, poetry – I enjoyed them all. However, as a postsecondary student, most of my writing in recent years has been of the formal academic kind. I’ve fallen out of touch with the forms of writing that I truly enjoy, and I’m hoping to use this blog as an outlet to get back to these more creative styles (while hopefully imparting some useful information along the way!). I’ve learned a few important things already in the process of setting up this blog. As with many creative projects, the real struggle for me comes in the planning stage. Trying to think of topics, the scope, the ‘brand’ – What should I write about? What should I call it? There’s a great quote from Voltaire that I think really resonates with this process – The best is the enemy of the good. Perfectionism is something I’ve often struggled with, and I think many of us in academia can relate to this quote. This blog isn’t perfect and I’m sure there are many things I could improve, but if I waited around until I had the perfect name, or the perfect website design, this project would still be hidden away from the world in some back corner of my computer. As a biology grad student I had originally planned to create a blog focused on science and academia, but later decided I didn’t want to limit myself to just those two topics. I’m one of those people who is passionate about too many things (and yet struggles to find their ‘passion’ at the same time – something that I will be writing about later), and I’ve chosen the name of the blog to reflect my varied interests. Just like the Mystery Box in Call of Duty – you never know what you’re going to get! Again, thanks so much for checking this out, and hopefully you stick around :) |
AuthorI'm Jenn - a marine biology grad student based in British Columbia, Canada. I write about science, travel, and everything in between! Archives
April 2018
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